Kids THESE days

I know they say that teens are the devil. I heard that many times when I was one. The truth-They DO battle the devil, and demons everyday. It is amazing what is out there now in the way of peer pressure, availability, and normalcy. Do you know that it is not considered normal if you are NOT having sex.
There has always been pressure in growing up. That struggle to reach the top rung of popularity. The struggle to fit in with any group, just to avoid having to stand alone. I was not very good at battling off the pressure that comes in teens clothing. I had, and still do have trouble stopping the demons from creeping into my life.
As I watch these teens that I am doing life with, sharing time, and trying to be a good role model for, I see such pressure in their eyes. I listen as they share stories of setting boundaries in relationships. It is not only hard in the relationship, but they have to struggle at school, and among friends who know they are trying to set, and keep these boundaries, and moral guide lines. It is hard enough for them to have a conversation about abstaing from intimacy sexually. Then they are teased and ostracised by their own friends and peers. They are making choices that blows my mind.
These kids have their flaws, as we all do, but they are getting out of bed, and facing temptation daily, and doing a good job at beating it. I am proud of their accomplishments, dedication, and courage. The choices that are being are tough. Sometimes they will trip up, we all do. But they are facing it. I am learning so much from them.
This is a society of drugs, illegal and prescription. A public display of sex is on the TV, any channel. Everyones life is fair play for scrutiny by the media. Scandals, and wrong doings, are done even in the white house. Some Churches are being found out to be full of sex, and hate crimes. The TV, radio, magazines, and anything that is a soap box for sex is available to their Young minds. Porn and addiction can be found in any family. This is their reality!
Self mutilation is at its high. Record numbers of teens walk through my life, and share their stories of how they hurt themselves. Emotionally they have been scared from poor relationships with their fathers, absent parental supervision in their lives, and divorced situations. Again, an opportunity for sheer disaster. Being alone, in your home, as a child, is the first step toward a direction of anger. They come and share how cutting themselves seems to be a solution to releasing anger. Punching things or people seems to be a good idea to get rid of their feelings of saddness, and feeling lonely.They ask for, and listen to advice, and are searching for a different direction.
It is really tough to be a teenager in this day and age. If you have any in your life right now, may I suggest sitting down and really asking whats going on in their lives. It will amaze you if they tell you. You would be surprised to find out the day that they faced. Every corner that they turned, another opportunity to let the demon in. Temptation rules their life. I wonder how many times a day they really say no. It is no wonder they want to sleep so much. I would be exhausted too.
Honestly, grab a young person in your life, and take them out to lunch. Sit down and share your own faults and failures. Let them see that you to have fallen to temptation, and have made some wrong choices. How that made you feel afterward, and what you did with it after that. Share with them how proud you are of them, for any reason. It is important. You need to have a good line of communication, and keep it open. Understand what they are going through. Ask them how that makes them feel. Tell them how that makes you feel to know what they are facing. Acknowledge that you know and understand how tough it is. DO NOT tell them you know what they feel because you were young once too. That is in fact obvious. Instead, share that it was tough when you were young, and recognize that it has gotten so much worse. It really has.
I say all the time that we live in a broken mirror society. You, nore I will ever see the same me staring at me in the mirror, the way other people see us. We are taught to point out our flaws, and dwell on our weaknesses. It is not socially acceptable to accept a compliment. We will never be skinny enough to feel perfect, and everyone is forever on a diet. These walls forbid us to recognize the beautiful people we are right now. Just as God has created us. Take a really good look at your whole self. What is it that you are adding to your child's plate when it comes to demons. Together, we can help shape this era of "Me generation" kids, into something beyond the expectations we ourselves are setting for them. In the meantime, we will learn a heck of a lesson along the way....

Now thats a birthday

It is odd to me, that they say " I wish I could only go back" or "If I could do it all over." ARE THEY NUTS??? I do not, have not, never will, do not not not, wish to EVER go back. I am turning 35, and absolutely loving where I am in my life. My husband and I have our moments of ups and down, but a community and family of people that help us, and really listen.
Support in anything that we may encounter. I have wonderful friends, and neighbors, and amazing kids. I have so much to be thankful for.
My mom is probably writing nearly the exact same thing right this minute. She is the one in our life that taught us to be thankful for what we have. Each day is a gift. My girlfriend Denise and I were talking the other day, and it was the controversy about how we, and others feel when it comes to immunizations. We spoke of our Doctors opinions, and how we felt. Then she asked me what my mom said. I answered....well, she has her opinion, but will always support MY choice. She laughed out loud. I asked her why? She replied, " I knew you were going to say that.I knew that your mom feels that way."
It was awesome to know for one that my mom not only supports me, but I have friends that pay attention enough to know that about my mom. My sister and I have those ah ha moments all the time. Like I know that her husband is a sugar junky (like mine) and likes to put lemon heads in his pop. Or that she could tell you every amount of buttons, on every piece of electronic thing they own. I love that I know that about her. I know that her husband is color blind. He loves to harrass many of people, so that is an on going circle when we see him.
I love where I am in my life. With relationships that I did not have, or even appreciate just 10 years ago. Some of my greatest friends are twice my age, some more, and some much much younger, and yet I love them like they were all my girlfriends my whole life.
My girlfriends that I have had since the 6th and 7th grade are also still in my life. I do not see them often enough, but we are the same when we are together, like we never missed a beat. I have reconnected with a friend I have had since the kindergarten. That is 30 years!!!
I do not feel old, I do not feel I have missed out on anything in my life. I am exactly where I would be today, if I made the best wish for my life to turn out!! Thank you for all of my birthday wishes. It was amazing to have such a variety of people who have passed through my life. Some I have not seen in what feels like centeries, and yet I know we would probably pick up right where we left off, just as I feel we have through face book.

Skeletons from the past

As I was "Face booking" today, it hit me. Many of the people that I am friends with, are from so many directions in my life where I have been. The new friends you make in school each year, to friends through sports, and activities like that. Drama club, or student council, then into the relationship friendships. People you meet through boyfriends, or girlfriends. Then the friends of your friends boyfriends or girlfriends. The people you once loved in your life, then lost. The ones that got away so to speak. I have had so many wonderful people that I have crossed paths with. Bonding over common interests, jobs, and some even through tragedy.

I have cried many tears for the people I have loved and lost, and along with them, goes relationships with others that were related to you through "The other one" I was married before. I had an entire family that I adopted by love, then lost through the breakup of my marriage. That was such a lifetime ago it seems. As much as I gained through that relationship, such as an appreciation for the guitar, and love of "Good" music. The Rolling Stones, Buddy Guy, Bob Marley, and Etta James. I learned that not everyone has the same view when it comes to Religion, and the rules that come with that. I learned that even in the strictest of Religions, there is adultery, bigotry, and mistrust. Pedophiles sometimes come with the largest of grandfather smiles. And I also walked away having to have felt the pain so deep from having to say-good by. Even if it was time.

These are hard lessons life teaches us. My boyfriend I had through High School. "The love of my life" back then. He was it. Along with that relationship came one of my best friends to this day. Their family has always been a part of my life. In some way or another. But yet the loss of the relationship with that guy, was a loss of a part of me. We are all so entangled into each others lives. I am now friends with that guys wife, on Face book!! Face book. Who would of thought after all of the years I have lived without so many of those people, that they would bring such joy to my life today. Friends from the past. Even enemies. Relationships from the past. Revisiting them feels somewhat like taking all the skeletons from my closet, and kicking them out. Letting them know they have overstayed their welcome. It is refreshing in some manor.

Mending friendships that you really did not want to lose to begin with. Break ups sometimes feel like divorces if you are deep enough into the mix of the people that come along with that. I love knowing that all I have to do is turn on my computer, reach out to someone, and on the other end, is a conversation that you did not even know you were missing out on. Finding family members, classmates, and even old neighbors. Just this week, I was friended by my mother in laws sister. We have never met, but found a common place to communicate, and form a relationship. The ability to see into each others lives, even if there is a million miles between us. My husband does not see the excitement the same as I do. I know so many men that feel that way. Are they afraid of digging into the past? Opening their closets and kicking out skeletons? Or is it that when they close those doors of the past, they never intend on reopening them. Or maybe they have a wife with good reason that they do not have permission to revisit the past. Either way, it is amazing.

Once around

They tell me that I am in charge of my own destiny...they say that it was written in the stars, played out in the cards....and even what goes around comes around. Doesn't that mean that we are not in charge of anything really? I like to think that I can make my own decisions, direct my own path, but on the other hand, I also like feeling that someone is watching out for me, and has created a path for me.
Does God somehow know each mistake that we will make? And anticipates the one that will follow, that leads me to where I was supposed to be? But now I had the experience from the mistake, that gave me the knowledge for the next chapter. How does it all work? It always all works out. Or does it?
I know that in my life, I do feel that there is some sort of a plan, and I often feel some sort of da'ja'vu'. Like I already visited my life at another time. I was in the right place at the right time. Even if I come across many walls in the road, it always manages to come out for the better in the long road. Take family for instance. You cannot get a divorce, or force another person to feel the same, or do what you tell them to, unless they want to, and still cannot change them. I like feeling reassured that in the end, I may not know much, but I do know that family is amazing. We need them. The relationships that keep us strong. Even if there is distance between. The phone was invented not very long ago you know. My husband and I learned how powerful that connection can be. A void filled. Family is forever. Through tough times, hard times, sad, bad, and in celebration of it all. Family is needed. A sense of purpose, and history. Memories of your childhood, and a friendship that only siblings can understand.
God does have a plan. Is it exactly where we end up? Where He intended us to be? Maybe not, but He has given us the sense to turn every situation into a positive one. A life lesson. One that I am not always happy to be a part of. But glad it was the was it was in the end.

He's still "The Man"

They say the sign of a real man is one that will get a vasectomy....without hesitation. Well, what kind of man is it that will sign up for it, make the appointment, visit the Doctor, schedule the surgery, and then walk out of the office after being asked by his wife to leave???????


That is exactly what my husband just went through. He did all of the preparations himself. I was pretty proud of him, yet full of hesitation. I had been telling him that I was not sure if I was ready for that, but not very forceful about it. I guess I put it out of my mind, that he was really planning on doing it. We have 3 wonderful children, and they are a handful. I said to my husband that after my youngest, I was defiantly ready to be done. Pregnancy does not agree with my body at all. I know that the thought of feeling the way I did for 9 long months, is torture, but you all know the flip side with the end result. I love my kids. They are amazing, I cannot picture never creating another human, when God gave us such a gift in doing that. I know financially that it is so hard, especially right now, yet again....NEVER AGAIN? I did not think that I would fall to this place again. Especially after my youngest was born. My husband and I were in Baby's R Us with all 3 kids. My oldest was running one way, my son another, and in the cart sat my new baby....yelling her head off. I looked at my husband, while reaching for my 2 running kids...and asked...."who's crazy idea was this???" We did get a laugh or 2 out of that, but I was serious. Who ever said that 3 was just as easy as 2, was lying!! They really just wanted another couple to join the crazy house club with them. They did not want to go it alone.


But as time marches on, how easy we forget. I can picture how I felt, yet somehow, it does not seem so bad. I survived right?


Did I miss my perfect opportunity? My husband going into the surgery voluntarily? As we approached the office, I began to get very panicked. I had already been crying all the way there. I just did not want him to go through with it. I just kept saying I was not ready. "I am not ready, I am not ready" He would tell me that he was. It went back and forth all the way there. We approached the office, and he grabbed my hand. "We can have in un done you know" I even thought about that for a second. "Yes, but we won't" I said. It is covered by insurance to have it done, but not un done, and we would never save that money. I knew that once he did it, that was it, it was all over. We sat in the parking lot for a little while. We had to go in, I knew that. I got out and walked slowly into the office. While sitting inside, I lost it, I could not stop crying. I knew that everyone in there knew I was crying because my husband was chopping off his baby making tubes.


After many minutes of me crying, I looked at my husband and said.." I REALLY am not ready for you to do this."He got up, went to the desk, and told the receptionist that we would reschedule another day. He took my hand, and we walked out. I never felt so relieved. Was it because I really want another baby? or was it because he let me be a part of the choice? That he really wanted me to be comfortable about it. He told me on the way home that he really does not want another baby, but if I was not done discussing it, then we would have to talk about it more, before he went and had the big V. I think in that moment I feel in love with him all over again.

Men v/s Woman

I know that the old saying Men are from Mars, and woman are from Venus rings so true in all of us. Does it have to be from 2 totally different planets though? I have said it before, but I know it to be true, it IS one of Gods biggest jokes. Why are we SO different? Everything is done with a separate thought process completely. It really makes it tough on the days our husbands are home from work, when they are normally gone in the day. Why does that throw our schedules off completely?
Even the kids are different when Dad is home. I mean, I do love my husband, so I am okay telling you that there are times that I totally hate him. I know it is because we see things so very differently. " Why do we Betty crocker girls, and Tonka truck boys? Are we that separate in our likes even as children? My son does have a doll that he sleeps with, and has carried around since he could walk, but I have seen him put that same doll in a truck, and roll it down my stairs. He loves to jump, and smash things, and yell loudly, and pick up bugs. My oldest daughter likes to color, and dance, and help cook. And flinches at the thought of a bug in hear vacinity. It is fascinating.
Have we placed these stereo types on each other? Or is it really our natural instincts? Would a boy who only had Barbies to play with, never play at all? Or would a little girl that grew up with 4 brothers turn out to be a Tom Boy? No. No. NO!
I understand that in many other cultures, the woman is not to be seen, or heard from. They are not to ever expose any part of their bodies, let alone expose an opinion. Even as my Grandparents were growing up, the woman was viewed as the lesser of the 2. Why do they say that all MEN were created as equals? Why is this a sore spot to me?
My husband and I bicker. It really makes me upset when I think that he is trying to pull the old "But I am Man!" bit with me. I will not be made to feel any less equal then he is, just because he is the one that brings home a pay check. I am constantly feeling like I need to prove to him what I do that is worth a pay check, but I do not see a payday financially. My payment comes through my children. They are clean, and happy, well fed, and never lonely. There clothes are all washed, with lunch for school, and a note inside exclaiming that I am thinking of them, even when they are at school. Yet, 5 minutes around my husband on many days, and I am left feeling inadequate. He really has no idea that he makes me feel that way, let alone do it on purpose. So again I ask???? WHY WHY WHY are we so different?
Why can they handle the noise of the television, the baby crying, and the phone ringing, while still singing at the top of their voice? While there are days I can't stand the sound of silence. Why can they play like children, with out the thought of consequence, and I am left to say, "be careful, before you crack your head." Why can they have the children out side in the snow, and I have to yell, "put on a coat gloves, and hat." Why do I need to take a backpack of toys, an extra change of clothes for each kid, snacks for the car, wipes for their hands, an extra drink, diapers, and PJ's just in case? While my husband leaves with them for the afternoon with out even a diaper bag, and survives!!
Daddy always knows how to turn home work into a game, and I am left with the role as the mean principle. Are we really supposed to be able to co exist? I am telling you, every time you and your husband say to each other....WHAT....WHATEVER!!! $@*#!%+^*& ? God is up there laughing. Entertaining himself with the thought that after all of these millions of years, we are still night and day.
My husband and I have been taking a class on the 5 love languages. We are all made up very differently when it comes to the way we express and receive love from each other. Gift giving, acts of kindness, quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. Very strong languages. I know that I am words of affirmation, and physical touch. So as much as kind words make me feel good, lack of kind words makes me feel empty inside. Is it that easy? If we figure out our love languages, we could learn to communicate better? I will have to get back to you on that one. My husband and I have to get past the butting heads part.
In the mean time, I am teaching my son to do laundry, cook, and over endoulging him in the affection department, and giving my youngest daughter a Tonka truck for Christmas. Maybe this will give them a heads up in their future relationships!!

Halloween Head ache

Hello all....and Happy Halloween... As most of you know, I mentioned many of times....I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!!

Dressing up, and pretending to be some one other then who you really are. We had a fun filled weekend, with many of hours, in many of costumes. We had a kids Halloween/Birthday party a few weeks back, to start off the holiday right. We went as the Incredibles from Disney Pixar. I have to say, it was fun fun fun. From my husband in red tights(a child size extra large, in little girls) with black briefs over them. Tighty black undies. He is a pretty good sport.

Then at 12 on Halloween, we had our annual Fall Fest at our church. Talk about some great stuff! From our youth pastor...Jake in the box-Very Funny!! To an animated coo coo zoo. There was a chili cook off, and costume contest. This was until 4. My kids were sooo cold, and already tired at this point. So we left there, to come home and change into comfy, snofty clothes. Not before seeing the greatest costume ever though. Right as we were leaving, we see one of husbands work partners dressed up. As we approach this very chauvinistic guy, we see that he is dressed in a puppet costume, with the title "Perfect Husband" written on his shirt pocket. It was great!!! I also entered into an end of a truck, that was caped off in a large square. I went in with my son, and sat down on the "Haunted toilet", and was chocked by the monster ghost that peered out from the bed of the dark truck. We WERE at church mind you. I stopped my pastor on the way out and said to him..."Hey man, do you claim this very bazar, yet extremely creative and talented congregation?" "HECK YA I do," He replied. I LOVE our group of friends and family there. Any how, cute as a button all of the kids were. And my family did just as promised, passed out tricks. Over and over, we scared kids with the old monster hand in the box when you reach in, and handing the kids a bowl of plastic Easter Eggs....and they take them, as I say Happy Easter, before they realize its a trick. Great stuff....Yes, we are in charge of many of your children in group I know...alll in Great Fun though..Hope everyone was safe, and had lots of fun.

HAPPY HALLOWEENNNNNNNNNNN